The 9th floor of Stephenson North (Pt. 1)

Washington State University wasn't my first choice, but I made my bed and I decided to lay in it for the next four years.

Not literally though. I wasn't in a coma or anything. You know what I mean.

I rolled into Pullman on the back of a dust storm. I thought I'd gone back in time to the Great Depression. The highway was littered with tumbleweeds along the way, which I had previously thought were a fictional thing only found in old Westerns.

My exact destination was the Stephenson Complex - a huge dorm consisting of three towers interconnected by a main lobby building. The towers are all appropriately named Stephenson North, Stephenson East, and Stephenson South. I'll let you guess how they came up with the names.

The whereabouts of Stephenson West remain unknown, but I always bought into the theory that the tower had been stolen by the neighboring University of Idaho. They are aptly named the Vandals, after all.

Stephenson North was my dorm tower (excuse me..."residence hall." Word of advice: never call them dorms in front of someone who works in a dorm. They prefer "residence hall." Well I prefer "His Most Gracious Lord, Protector of the Realm, Defender of the Innocent, Our Moral Compass, Our Shining Beacon of Hope, First of His Name, Dylan Hoff," but we don't always get to pick how we're referred to).

Stephenson North was the ghetto of WSU dorms. It was cheap, old, and breaking down. Students were crammed in to fit as many as possible.

Every room had tile floors, some of which began to break and crack as the school year dragged on.

I remember one guy who found the desk in his room covered in some sort of sticky black substance that was crusted onto the surface. It took four of us almost three hours of scraping and scrubbing to remove enough of it to make the desk usable.

There were two elevators to help reach each of the 12 floors, and they broke down constantly. That might have been due to the high speeds those old elevators traveled at. If you didn't grab hold of something, you were liable to float into the air if riding the elevators down or have your body compressed when riding up.The only thing more annoying than those elevators breaking were the douchebags who would ride them up-and-down when they only lived on the first three floors.

All these flaws were only enhanced by the fact the other two Stephenson towers were just renovated the year before, while Stephenson North was left untouched (until after I moved out, apparently). But at least we had faster elevators (when they worked).

I lived on the 9th floor with 26 other dudes (each floor in the Stephenson towers is gender-specific).

I mean, we didn't all live together in one room. There were 13 rooms per floor with two people per room.

My roommate was a ginger giant who played rugby. He could have ripped my arms out of my sockets if he wanted to, and I ain't no droid either (he was about the same size as Chewbacca, come to think of it). He moved into a different room by February, which left me to a room all to myself for most of second semester (which would become a recurring theme for me).

While my roommate and I pretty much kept to ourselves, about half the 9th floor was solidified into a single group of friends within a few short weeks. And they were quite the cast of characters.

There was Karl, the World of Warcraft geek. Incredibly good at giving bear hugs despite his small size. He'd just sort of hold on as you thrashed about trying to escape. I don't know where the upper body strength came from. I guess he not only leveled up in the game, but in real life too.

Hayden was the resident slacker of the group. A modern John "Bluto" Blutarsky in the making. He and August were the two biggest potheads I've ever had the pleasure to know. Which is saying something considering A) I come from San Francisco and B) the rest of the guys I'm about to mention.

Steven was by far the biggest oddball of the gang (which is also saying something). He would have fit in perfectly with the hippie generation. A devoted Beatles fan, prone to breaking out into song or playing guitar, liked to ask random hypothetical questions (that would range from deep questions on the meaning of life to crude "would you rather this or that?" questions), and an absolutely bizarre sense of humor.

In contrast to the ethereal Steven was his earthy roommate. Jon was the local boy of the group, a farmer from some podunk town in Eastern Washington. When he wasn't reminiscing about small town living, he enjoyed getting into political debates with his roommate, Steven, and myself. I tended to let him win because I'm fairly sure he was strong enough to bench press me, despite being only half my height.

There was the duo of Dan and Dan (sometimes referred to as White Dan and Mexi-Dan to differentiate; for reasons that should be obvious). Mexi-Dan was a huge Metallica fan, and often looked the part. He, along with Steven and White Dan, became an almost inseparable trio.

While Mexi-Dan had his guitar and music, White Dan treasured his Xbox 360. He was a diehard gamer, particularly fond of Halo. Many a hour was spent playing Xbox 360 or PS3 between us all, and we all lived in fear of White Dan's skills. And his temper. Dude loved to swear and shout while playing games. And such creative cursing too. I've never heard curse combinations quite like the ones White Dan came up with. The guy had a real talent for it.

His soft-spoken roommate, Colton, was his most common target. An extremely odd pairing, but one that worked out beautifully - they became the best of friends.

Jaimeson was the most sophisticated member of the gang (dude owned a freaking smoking pipe! How posh is that?). He was arguably the most picked upon member too, because of his somewhat haughty attitude. His room was next to mine. I can still remember the time five of the other guys sneaked into the walk-in closet in his room and hid in there just as he was preparing to go to sleep. I was doing the same in my room and heard all the commotion through the wall as he eventually discovered them and chased them from his room.

Alex was the closest thing we had to a leader, and probably the "coolest" one of us. Armed with a rapier wit and confident attitude, his room (which he shared with Karl - another odd pairing that somehow worked) quickly became a go-to meeting place for simple hangout sessions or the beginning to a night's shenanigans.

Billy, Tyler, Matt, Connor, Ryan 1 and Ryan 2, Mike, Nick ... they were all part of the 9th floor crew (even though some of them didn't live on the 9th floor. They became unofficial members). I'm probably forgetting a couple because I've got the memory of a goldfish when it comes to names, but the moments we shared together still remain as some of the highlights of my time at WSU and are strong in my mind.

It was an oddball group - one that kept things loose and fun. And a little bit...mischievous, shall we say. The 9th floor soon earned a reputation within Stephenson North.

But this blog post has run long enough. The deeds that earned said reputation will have to wait until another time. Provided none of them read this between now and then, and warn me I've already said too much.

A few more of Dylan's deep thoughts

• You can lead a horse to water, and provided it is thirsty, it will get its own damn drink. 
• Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do. So maybe you just have to make an extra wrong.
• If it literally rained cats and dogs, it would either be the worst or greatest day ever for pet lovers. It depends on how hard the cats and dogs are hitting the ground.
• When Napoleon Bonaparte and the Duke of Wellington weren't busy fighting on the battlefield they were busy one-upping each other through food: the creamy napoleon vs. the meaty beef wellington.
• When the butter you leave out on the butter tray is just as hard as the butter in your fridge, you need to turn up the heat. Or move to a warmer climate.
• How did a bunch of backwoods ZZ Top rejects who make duck calls become the most popular show on TV?
• At first I thought Miley Cyrus had done a cover of Bruce Springsteen's "Wrecking Ball." I was sorely disappointed.
• What would happen if I tried to hashtag # on Twitter? Would that work?
• You cannot replace the term "Native American" with "Native Indian." Thanks for trying to make a compromise in the "do we call them Indians or Native Americans?" debate, but India Indians are native Indians.
• On that note, our nation's capitol has the most racist football team name ever. Change it. End of discussion.
• Never use store brand dental floss. Trust me.
• Vladimir Putin is like a Bond villain come to life.

Scenes from a Super Bowl party

Last night was the climax to one of the most irritating NFL seasons. I say climax instead of conclusion because I haven't heard the end of this. I've got a few more days, weeks, maybe months before things quiet down around Seattle.

It won't be over until the Seahawks have been thoroughly pounded into a pulp by my 49ers next season with Kaepernick running and passing for 400 yards each, Crabtree grabbing 3 touchdowns against Sherman, and the final score ending up 65 to -3 (it happens every night in my fantasies). And then the Seahawks losing in the first round of the playoffs (also to the 49ers preferably).

Maybe then I'll get some peace and quiet around here.

With that said, I did enjoy myself last evening when GF and I were invited to a Super Bowl viewing party hosted by a coworker of hers.

I went to watch football's biggest game with fellow fans; GF went because there promised to be rambunctious little children there - which she can't get enough of! Indeed, at times it was harder to hear the game not because of rowdy Seahawk fans, but because of said children.

It was a small, but lively crowd. So I thought I'd share some memorable moments and quotes from the party (as I once did for New Year's Eve/Day).

Person A: "You're pigs in a blanket are putting ours to shame."
Person B: "Just like I'm hoping the Broncos will put the Seahawks to shame!"

Person A: "You're wearing the wrong colors! Is that orange sweater intentional?"
Person B: "Hell yes!"

"Why is Joe Namath dressed as a pimp?"

(Game starts with a safety)
"Strap in, folks. I can already tell this is going to be a long game for the Broncos."

(Score is 15-0)
"Peyton will comeback. I've seen him down by three touchdowns in the final quarter and wind up winning the game!"

"Well, it's 3rd down again. So the Seahawks offense has the Broncos right where they want 'em."

(Peyton Manning on the phone on the sidelines)
"DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?! I'M GODDAMN PEYTON MANNING!!! I'VE BEEN DOING YOUR COMMERCIALS FOR YEARS!!! NOW SEND ME A DAMN FREE PIZZA - PRONTO!!!"

"He's calling his dad and brother for advice right now ... It's sad that Peyton has to ask advice from Eli."

"I'm telling you! Peyton Manning has us right where he wants us! We could still lose this game!"

"The Broncos need a map to find the end-zone right now."

(Following the Cheerios ad)
"So how many people do you think will be upset this time?"

(Halftime show)
"He's going for some look halfway between Elvis Presley and James Brown."

Person A: "I hear Bruno Mars is really short."
Person B: "Yeah, you're probably taller than him. Although with that hair he's probably got a couple inches on you."

(Red Hot Chili Peppers appear)
"Well, so much for the guys wearing suits."

"Hey everybody! Look how old we got!"

Person A: "What is going on with his legs?"
Person B: "I think he's wearing leggings."
Person A: "It looks like he's got old man knee braces on."
Person C: "Like I said, look how old they got."

"Remind me to never try and sing along to 'America the Beautiful' again. Not until I've learned more of the words and had my balls removed to hit those high notes."

Person A: "We've got three types of wings. Spicy wings, barbecue wings, and..."
Person B: "Spicy barbecue wings!"
Person A: "Basically. Take your pick."
Person C: "I'll take a little of each."

"And now the countdown begins until the stadium power failure. What's your over/under on minutes?"

(Score is 36-0)
"So maybe Peyton Manning can't win this one."

"Yep, the neighbors are already setting off fireworks (during the 3rd quarter)."

(Broncos finally score)
"I see the Hawks defense decided to let them score. Wouldn't want to embarrass them that badly."

Person A: "At this rate, Eli is probably going 'Nyah, nyah! Look who's the superior Manning now!'"
Person B: "No. After the horrendous season Eli just had, he can't say that. He may never have that right again."
Person C: "Did he ever?"
Person D: "Well he did, and will continue, to have twice as many Super Bowl championships as Peyton."
Person B: "And has a greater Super Bowl winning percentage."

"To be fair, in an actual fight, a horse would totally kick a bird's ass."

"It's only the second biggest blowout Denver has lost in a Super Bowl."

"I feel badly for all the companies that purchased advertising in the second half of this Super Bowl. How many people have turned off this game because of the blowout? All that money right down the drain."

"Can you award the Super Bowl MVP to an entire defense?"

Person A: "So that's how you spend $1.5 million? That crappy ad?"
Person B: "Like I said, nobody's watching anymore. It doesn't matter anyway."

Person A: "At least Peyton and Demaryius each set Super Bowl records."
Person B: "At least Pete Carroll got soaked in orange Gatorade."
Person C: "Records and Denver colored Gatorade! Cheer up, Broncos!" 

"Aren't you glad we went to Lake Stevens instead of Bainbridge? We are avoiding the chaos of downtown Seattle right now."

Person A: "Bruno Mars performed one of the least flashy and least outrageous halftime shows I've ever seen. And probably the best in the last few years."
Person B: "Except for when the Red Hot Chili Peppers showed up."
Person A: "Yeah, except for that. That goes without saying."

So yeah. A good time was had by all in attendance despite an overall crappy game for non-Seahawks football fans. I think what I'm most disappointed about is this gives Macklemore another excuse to continue acting all smarmy and douchey.

Though this video of game highlights narrated by Jim Ross helped me feel better. Good ol' J.R. can make anything entertaining.

On a related note, I did appreciate the Seahawks shout-out to Daniel Bryan.

Congratulations Seahawks. I look forward to seeing your hopes and dreams crushed next year.