Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Scenes from a New Year's party


I’ve got nothing for you guys this week. I’m too tired from the frivolity and traveling (by plane, train, and automobile. And a few ferry rides, too) of the last nine days. But I did take note of some memorable quotes from the New Year’s party I attend every year with friends. 

Every year my father and I visit some old friends dating back to his college days. They have children of their own, roughly my age. Throw in a few more family friends and it becomes this big thing with multiple generations hanging out for New Year’s Eve/Day. Lots of food, lots of video games and/or board games, and lots of making fun of New Year’s Eve telecasts.

A surprising number of these comments came from completely sober people. I hope you enjoy!

“I’m the hero you deserve, but not the hero you need.”

“My name’s Bane! Or is it Sean Connery? I really can’t tell.”

Person A: “Judi Dench was the Bond girl of the last movie.”
Person B: (shudders) “I don’t want to think of it that way.”

“I never liked Tweety Bird. He was so arrogant. Sitting up there on his perch in his cage.”

“If he can be Flo Rida, why can’t I be Cali Fornia?”

“Dick Clark’s dead. How can it still be Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve?”

Person A: “So what’s your New Year’s resolution?”
Person B: “To successfully complete a New Year’s resolution.”

(12:05 a.m.)
Person A: “Hilary Clinton reportedly has a blood clot between her skull and her brain.”
Person B: “Well…Happy New Year then.”
Person C: “I like that it’s five minutes into the New Year and you’re surfing the Internet. Way to bring down the party.”
Person B: “Too soon.”

Person A: “There’s Fergie! I called it! It’s officially the New Year!”
Person B: “It’s official! Happy New Year!”
(Many high fives ensue)

“I could do what Pitbull does ... Pitbull and Flo Rida went to the same dancing school it looks like.”

Person A: “He looks like Muammar Gaddafi!”
Person B: “Maybe if Gaddafi and James Brown had a baby.”
Person C: “And he stole Captain Crunch’s outfit.”
(A little later)
Person A: “I don’t like this. First the hat came off, now the jacket. I hope nothing else comes off.”

“You know it’s been a party when there’s champagne popper confetti hanging from the chandelier.”

“We’re going to do things the American way. We’re only going to eat American food. Like French onion dip.”

“All he does is fist pump and pelvic thrusts. I could do that, too.”

(Notices football player named Clowney) “That’s a clown name, bro.”

Yep. We’re a pretty rowdy bunch, as you can tell. Happy New Year!

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