Battle of the sexes: Wedding planning edition

Yeah, you read that title right! I'm engaged! GF is now just F - for Fiancée. Lots has happened since I last posted a blog post, but I figured my pending nuptials is no better place to start again; and no better option for reviving my (not really) famed "Battle of the Sexes" series. Here we go!

When I started planning for the wedding: January 2015
When she started planning for the wedding: 1998

Wedding I preferred: a large formal affair, held in a mixed indoor/outdoor venue, with a bar, full course meal, ballroom/dance floor, game/entertainment room, and we are surrounded by all our friends and family
Wedding she preferred: eloping

My guest list plans: "Let's invite everyone we've ever known!"
Her guest list plans: "We have 10,000 relatives combined - we can't accommodate anyone else!"

What I wanted the wedding colors to be: orange and black (It'll be the playoffs and almost Halloween! Come on!)
What she chose the wedding colors to be: red and gold (Almost as good!)

What could have been.

What might be.

Her regarding the wedding party procession: "There's so many different customs! Do all the bridesmaids and groomsmen walk side-by-side? Do they enter individually? Where does the groom come from? Ring bearer or no ring bearer?"
Me regarding the wedding party procession: "I want to appear in a sudden puff of smoke and yell 'Huzzah!'"

What she wants to walk out to: traditional wedding march
What I want to walk out to: Imperial march

Length of time I estimate the wedding ceremony should take: 30 minutes
Length of time she estimates the wedding ceremony should take: "10 minutes tops - let's party! Woo!" *chugs a beer*

My thoughts on bouquet/garter toss: They're classic wedding traditions, and we must do at least one of them
Her thoughts on bouquet/garter toss: Never liked 'em; we're not doing either

What I'm in charge of: tuxedo, groomsmen, wedding playlist, licking (but not addressing) invitation envelopes
What she's in charge of: EVERYTHING ELSE!!! (Except for decorations - neither of us gives a shit about décor)

Me selecting wedding linen: something soft and lacy with intricate patterns
Her selecting wedding linen: whatever's easiest to clean

Her on table centerpieces: "Candles surrounded by flowers. Ooh! Floating candles in mason jars surrounded by flowers! Wait a minute! Should we replace the candles with fish that guests can take home?"
Me on table centerpieces: "We need centerpieces?"

What she wants the wedding playlist to be: a mix of country, 80's pop, and Ingrid Michaelson
What I want the wedding playlist to be: Bruce Springsteen and 50's/60's R&B, soul, and rock

Her "first dance" preference: Ingrid Michaelson's Can't Help Falling in Love
My "first dance" preference: The Rains of Castamere

Dinner I planned: tender steak, chicken, and fish entrees with a variety of sides served on elegant porcelain dinnerware
Dinner she planned: taco bar or pizza served on paper plates

Type of wedding cake she wants: chocolate
Type of wedding cake I want:

Or

Her ideal honeymoon: A secluded island getaway - tropical, local, or Canadian.
My ideal honeymoon: "Let's go to the Vancouver aquarium!"

Social expectations on her: Plan everything down to the minute details, pick out the perfect dress, heed everyone's advice on what to do/what to buy, look fantastic by today's modern fashion sensibilities, cater to guests' every whim, engage guests in a lively manner despite all the stress gone into planning this occasion
Social expectations on me: Show up; look nice. Preferably arrive wearing a tux and not hungover (optional)

Socio-political bonus portion:

Does she feel marriage is meaningless now that "sinful, hedonistic" gays/lesbians can marry?: No
Do I feel marriage is meaningless now that "sinful, hedonistic" gays/lesbians can marry?: No

Because love takes many forms, and it always wins in the end. It might take awhile, but love wins out.

Even when wedding planning puts it to the test.