There’s a war raging in my own backyard. It’s been raging on-and-off for almost two years. I’ve battled an army of thousands to a standstill armed with nothing more than a garden hose, a shovel, and my indomitable willpower.
The
invasion of my homeland began in the summer of 2011. Mom was out checking the
yard. Suddenly, I heard shouts and cries from outside. I ran downstairs just as
Mom made it back inside.
She
had been standing by a pile of decayed wood when she was viciously attacked by
a colony of red ants that had moved into our territory. Large welts appeared
all over her legs from the assault.
It
was the opening salvo of the bloody conflict to come. Since then I’ve fought
hard to protect my homeland from the threat of a massive, yet also tiny, invasion
force.
While
maybe not as destructive as World War I and II, the Civil War, the Clone Wars,
or the Time War, this has been an ongoing hard-fought war. Every time The Enemy
retreats, they eventually return with equal, if not greater, numbers than
before.
War
reports from the The First Ant War of August 2011 have recently been
declassified. I share them with you now so you may better understand the
severity of this never-ending conflict.
Day 1: Surprise
attack on the Motherland this afternoon. The Red (Ant) Menace is already within
our borders. The woodlands have been taken by The Enemy. Mother caught by
surprise and forced to retreat. An emergency war council meeting had been
called and war is expected to be declared by Congress.
Day 2: First
aerial bombardment of enemy colony launched using a standard garden hose
upgraded with jet stream firing mechanism. Enemy shows rapid response time, but
their defenses are powerless to prevent ranged aerial attack. Recommend
avoiding any ground assaults for now.
Day 4: After two
straight days of aerial-only attacks, reinforcements were called in today. Our
ally’s codename: Big G. Big G assisted in a combined aerial aquatic attack
followed by a ground assault aided by a shovel. Enemy resupply station located
and destroyed. Big G forced to retreat back home for dinner following the
attack and a game of Super Mario Bros.
Day 6: Ground
forces discovered two more resupply stations; one destroyed and the other
severely damaged.
Day 7: Increased
bee activity noticed around woodlands/ant colony. Intelligence reports indicate
The Enemy is attempting to form a defensive alliance with the bees. Council is
attempting to send ambassadors to the bees informing them we are only
interested in protecting our homeland, removing The Enemy from the woodlands,
and promising the bees continued use of our natural resources (flowers) for
themselves.
Day 9: Second
day of inactivity on war front; both sides exhausted from combat. Also,
I’ve had other things to do. Negotiations ongoing with bees, though we fear
they may take The Enemy’s side. Consulted with Big G today, he suggested
calling in a WMD strike to bring a quick end to the war; perhaps even resort to
chemical warfare. Council taking it under consideration, but not everyone is comfortable
with using such immense firepower at this time. Combat operations expected to
resume tomorrow.
Day 10: Poor
weather conditions kept the bees grounded, so we launched an attack
today. Very limited response by The Enemy. A task force is being assembled to
infiltrate the colony tomorrow and assess their condition.
Day 11: Ground
forces could find no trace of The Enemy. Ants believed to have retreated fully
or gone deep underground. Cease-fire has been called in hopes that war is over.
Sadly,
that was not the end. Even after the wood was cleared, The Enemy returned the
following spring and summer. First in the same location, then in one of Mom’s
flower boxes. Both times the colony was forced back into hiding. These two occurrences formed The Second Ant War.
I
bring all this up now because recent sightings have confirmed that The Enemy
has returned. They switched to a new flower box, but it is undoubtedly another
invasion force from our mortal Enemy. The Third Ant War is set to begin.
No comments:
Post a Comment