Big G

Frequent readers of this blog....HAHAHA!!! OK, not even I can say that with a straight face. Let's start again.

People who have accidentally stumbled upon this blog more than once may remember the introduction of Big G from The Red (Ant) Menace.

Big G is not a fictional ant-fighting companion, but a real life person who I've given an pseudonym to disguise his real identity. He's also not a superhero or supervillain whose identity I'm masking. I just figure that while I will share lots of personal stuff here, people around me may wish to retain some anonymity.

I met Big G my sophomore year of high school. He was a year behind me, but you wouldn't know that by looking at him. Big G towered over the other students, standing in at 8 feet tall. Although he only weighs somewhere around 100 lbs. To borrow a phrase from Bill Cosby, you could use him to get a ball from out of a sewer grate.

Big G is a fan of philosophical debate, something I usually am not. I can't remember how many frustrated lunch periods I spent arguing with Big G over things like the existence of good and evil and the relevancy of time. Lately he's switched from existential thoughts to subjects like "Why women are attracted only to assholes." I guess college has changed him.

Big G is also a fan of bad movies. And not in the ironic, "let's make fun of this" kind of way. Despite having a profound dislike of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its catalog of atrocious films, Big G is responsible for dragging me along to some truly awful films. Transformers: Dark of the Moon and Battleship come to mind. I still haven't forgiven him for that latter one.

Naturally, Big G used his distinct height advantage in sports. He played baseball and ran track and field plus cross country in high school (What? We're you thinking of a different sport? That's heightist of you!). He gave up on baseball, however, after a hand injury he sustained while running head-on into a wall (Which might also explain a few other things about Big G, but let's leave that alone).

By serving as a runner, however, he naturally met Puma and by extension eventually met me. And despite having the unfortunate experience of actually meeting me in person, Big G, much like Puma before him, decided to befriend me. I would attribute that poor decision-making to some brain injury sustained in the aforementioned wall accident, but that came after.

This turned out to be a fortuitous event for Puma and I. As high school progressed, we found ourselves falling out of favor with the group of friends we had going into high school and had to find a new social group. Big G became a close companion.

We were an inseparable trio. We were The Three Musketeers of our town. Except we weren't French, lacked swords, and didn't have matching blue ponchos. So when I say we were like The Three Musketeers, I actually mean we were nothing like The Three Musketeers. Maybe it's The Three Stooges I'm thinking of? Anyway...point being we all saw each other a lot. Movies, meals, and long hangout sessions continue to this day, although their frequency dwindles as post-high school life pushes on. But I still count Big G as one of my closest friends.

Tune in next week when I share with you some of Big G's "finest" moments that keep us laughing hysterically to this day (They keep Puma and I laughing at any rate).